Mama's here."I could tell by the feel of her diaper that she needed changing, andwithout even thinking about Jack watching me, I brought her over to thechanging table and gently laid her down. I had a lot of experiencechanging her diapers and cleaning her in my boy mode, but it wassomewhat harder to do it with longer nails and having my breast formsgetting in the way of how I otherwise usually did the changing. It wasstill a further confirmation of my womanhood, and I was enjoying thisfirst wonderful experience in motherly care.It took only a few minutes to complete the diaper change, which includedcleaning, lotioning and powdering Stephanie. All the while, she was soadorable and just kept looking up at me...not quite her real mother, butcertainly not a stranger.Finished with fastening the diaper, I picked up Stephanie and held herin my arms for a moment, gently rocking her. Stephanie then noticedJack standing in the doorway and squealed out, "Da Da." Hi sweetie, did mommy fix. . now I just don't know anything anymore! It's all so confusing, so filthy and wicked and so hard to comprehend.Lucy had tried all the approaches open to her young and relatively inexperienced mind... she had thought of her own actions, her times alone with David. But somehow it just wasn't the same to her... how could it be, she asked herself again and again. Mother is a married woman! Widowed yes, and certainly still too young to exile herself to wearing black and living alone, but... "Oh, I don't know what I mean any longer," she said aloud. "Nothing makes sense to me now... nothing!" They say that's the first sign of cracking up... talking to yourself, I mean." It was Sally something-or-other, a girlfriend of one of David's friends, and she was peering into the open passenger window. Lucy wiped her eyes hurriedly and managed a wan smile. "Sorry to intrude, Lucy. I mean, I don't really know you that well, but you seemed upset. Anything I can do to help?" Oh... no, Sally, it's just.
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